


Painful Memories

by astradanvers



Series: Burn Out [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: And a little fluff, Burn Out or Not, F/F, bad and good, i imagine it would be different for each person, losing a parent is hard, so this is angst, some things bring up memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 16:20:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7539523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astradanvers/pseuds/astradanvers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex takes Aiden and Addie to the bookstore. Aiden finds a book but when they get home Alyssa isn't too happy about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Painful Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This is based a bit off of personal experience. For me listening to certain songs and a couple movies when I was younger would set of a chain reaction of tears and sadness that I couldn't shake for a while. I can listen or watch them now but the memories still crop up and leave me feeling a little hollow at times.

Addie has no memories of her biological mothers. Alex and Astra are always open with their children about the two women who gave their lives to make sure their three children lived. Alyssa has the most memories of their biological mothers and she locks them away, tries to pretend they don’t exist. Aiden has very few memories of their mothers but sometimes there are things that will draw memories to his mind.

Alex has taken the two younger children to the bookstore one afternoon, Addie balanced on one hip while Aiden ambles along beside her. He stops suddenly though when a book catches his eye. He wiggles his small hand free from Alex’s and moves to the book before him. Studying it he looks up at Alex, “Mama, read.”

Squatting down Alex stands nine month old Addie on her feet, the little girl’s hands grasping at her pants legs. She reaches out and lifts up the book, “ _ Corduroy?”  _ she questions her son quietly. She tilts her head, “I don’t think we’ve ever read this one before, buddy, you want to buy it?”

He tilts his head, “Someone read to me,” he tells her. He looks at her, “Don’t know who.”

Looking at her son Alex understands instantly who once read the book to him, “Well lets take it home with us and we can read it again.” She ruffles his hair, “How about we pick up a few more books? Maybe find one for Mommy and a couple new ones for Sissy.”

He nods and lifts the book into his arms, wrapping his arms around it and pulling it tightly against his chest. “Go, Mama,” he says quietly and heads towards the small children’s section at the back of the store.

Alex watches him go with a sad smile twisting the corner of her lips. Reaching out Addie pats her cheek and Alex presses a kiss to the little girl’s palm, “Lets go after your brother, baby.”

They pick up more books,  _ Where the Wild Things Are _ ,  _ Goodnight Moon _ ,  _ The Giving Tree _ and several others that Alex remembers her own mother reading to her as a child and that they don’t already have at home. She picks up a few new books for her wife and smiles when she finds  _ The Price of Salt  _ tucked away in a corner, placing it neatly into her stack. The small stack of books is brought to the front and each one rang up until the only one left is  _ Corduroy _ which Aiden still has pulled tightly against his chest. The cashier rings the book up and hands it back to Aiden who once more pulls it against his chest.

The drive home is short and quiet as Aiden looks at the pictures of his new book and Addie naps in her car seat. Aiden smiles when he spots Astra’s car beside theirs, “I show ‘Lyssa new book.”

Alex smiles, “Yeah, baby, you can show Alyssa your new book when we get inside.” He unbuckled himself and bounces out the front door behind Alex. She smiles at the way he bounces on the balls of his feet by her side while he waits for her to get Addie out. Whatever memory that book has sparked, she's glad it's a happy one.

When they step into the house he goes hustling through it, careful not to run, with a call of, “‘Lyssa, ‘Lyssa, ‘Lyssa.”

Placing Addie down on her playmat Alex makes her way towards the kitchen, detecting the soft sounds of someone moving at the stove. Before she's made it completely into the room Alyssa runs in,  _ Corduroy  _ book held in her hands and throws it nearly as hard as she can into the, thankfully empty, trash can. “Alyssa,” Alex says sharply as Aiden runs in behind his sister, tears in his eyes.

“No,” Alyssa screams and tries to take the book from Alex, tears and anger and an emotion Alex rarely sees anymore on her face. “Throw it away,” she demands, “I never want to see it again! I hate it!” She runs away from the kitchen, shoving Aiden out of the way in her haste to flee the room.

Alex sighs, holds the book out to Aiden, “Why don't you keep this in your room for now, okay?” He nods, brushes at the tears on his cheeks, “Why don't you take it upstairs for now and Mommy or I will read it to you tonight?” He nods once more and heads for the stairs.

Astra looks at her wife, “What was that about?”

“Aiden remembered someone reading  _ Corduroy  _ to him but he didn't know who. I've never read it before and I know we don't have it. Linda or Michelle had to be one of the ones who read it to him. After that little outburst I'm sure they read it to all three of them.” She scrubs her face, “I'm gonna call Kara,” she says, “I think she'll be better at helping with this.”

Moving forward Astra pulls Alex into her arms, “Go on up and be with her, I'll call Kara.”

The younger woman nods, leaning up to press a kiss to her wife’s lips, “Addie is in the living room.”

Astra nods, watching quietly as Alex makes her way to the stairs and up towards Alyssa’s room. The little girl’s door is open, as Alex knew it would be, and she makes her way forward. “Moonbeam,” she whispers quietly, fingers trailing through reddish brown hair. Alyssa sits up and then crawls over into Alex’s lap, tucking her head under her mother’s chin, “Can I help?” Alyssa shakes her head, “Aunt Kara?” Alyssa shrugs. Not knowing what else to do Alex wraps her arms tightly around her daughter and just holds her, hoping that Kara will somehow be able to help.

“Mama,” Alyssa asks after they've both been quiet a while, “why do people die?”

Alex falters on the question, she should have expected it but she hadn't and now her daughter is waiting for an answer. She closes her eyes, “People die, ‘Lyssa, because it's their time. Sometimes they're sick and Rao decides that they've been in pain and hurting long enough. Sometimes there's an accident and Rao brings them to him so that they won't suffer through the pain they would face in the after effects. Sometimes Rao just needs another good person on his side and he feels like there is no other option but that person he's chosen.”

Alex wonders sometimes if they're doing the right thing by teaching the kids about Rao instead of Earth’s Christian God but her parents were never really religious and she hasn't ever been either. Kara and Astra though both believe in Rao and Alex has been around the two long enough that she thinks maybe even she believes in him now. So they teach the kids, mostly Carter (because he wants to learn) and Alyssa for now, about Rao and Yuda and Kryptonian religion and how to be careful about never letting others know their mothers are Kryptonian.

“Do you think my first mommies are mad that Adien, Addie and me found you and Mommy?”

That sentence alone pulls at Alex’s heart and makes her eyes tear up, “Oh, sweetie, I don't think Mommy Michelle or Mommy Linda would be mad that you found Mommy and me. Do you know why?” Alyssa shakes her head, “Because they would want you to be loved and protected and happy.” She presses her lips against Alyssa’s temple, “And Mommy and I love you and your brother and sister so much, Alyssa, and we will always protect you and try to make you happy.”

“We are happy,” Alyssa says, “sometimes though,” she pauses, “sometimes though I get sad because I miss my first mommies.” She tilts her head so she can see Alex’s face, “Does that make you mad?”

“It's okay to be sad, Alyssa, and it's okay to miss them and neither of those things will ever make Mommy and I mad.” She runs a hand over Alyssa’s back, “You know,” she says quietly, “my dad died when I wasn't too much older than you.” Alyssa looks up at her then, “And there are still days when I'm really sad that he's not here.” She brushes a lock of Alyssa’s hair behind her ear, “Days when I look at you and Aiden and Addie and all I want is for him to be able to see you three, to know his grandchildren. And there are days when I get sad over your moms too, Alyssa,” she tells her daughter quietly, “because even though we have you because you lost them, I hate that you had to lose them. I never met them but I feel like I know part of them because you and Aiden and Addie each carry part of them inside of you.”

Alyssa nods, snuggles back down into Alex’s arms, her head resting against her mother’s elbow, “They used to read it to us,” she finally says quietly, “that book.  They read it to us every night.” Alex feels a tear trail down her cheek, “I don't want to forget them reading it to me.”

“I don't think you will,” Alex tells her. She glances at the door and spots Kara lingering there, “Why don't you ask Aunt Kara about the stories she used to tell me when we were younger?”

Looking to her aunt Alyssa only tilts her head in silent question, knowing Kara will have heard, “They were stories my mother and father and even your Mommy used to tell me when I was your age.”

“Really?”

“Really.” She smiles at her niece, “My mom and dad died,” she says quietly, “when I wasn't too much older than you are now. Telling the stories that I remembered them telling me to your Mama, it was a way for me to keep them alive. It helped me to keep my memories of them here,” she taps her temple, “and here,” she taps her chest just over where her heart beats.

Alyssa watches Kara quietly, “So Mama and Mommy reading that book to me,” she says carefully, “it will help me remember?”

“I can't say it will for sure, ‘Lyssa, but it did for me.”

The little girl nods, curls back into Alex’s embrace and remains quiet for a long while. Eventually she looks up at Alex, “Mama, will you read  _ Corduroy  _ to us tonight?”

Alex nods, “Of course I will, my love,” she says quietly.

“And maybe after you can tell us one of the stories Aunt Kara used to tell you or Mommy can?”

The two women smile, “Mommy or I will be more than happy to tell you one of the stories, sweetheart.”

Alyssa grins up at her mother, she sits up then, “I need to go tell Aiden sorry,” she says suddenly before bouncing up from the bed.

Only when Alyssa has bounced out of the room and they've heard her scamper down the stairs does Kara wrap an arm around her. Alex presses her face into her baby sister’s neck, “She's worried about forgetting them.”

“She’ll always worry about forgetting them, Lex, you and I both know that. We've both feared forgetting for half our lives.”

“I hate she has to endure that though.”

“Me too,” Kara whispers, continuing to hold her big sister, offering what comfort she can. Soon they'll get up and head downstairs to their families but for the moment they remain where they are, both remembering people they never want to forget.


End file.
